This list is in no particular order.
They're all equally horrid.
Americans for Bush (arm of something called the National
Security Political Action Committee) /"Willie Horton"/1988
This spot is often referred to as "Weekend Pass." Who
would think that a man considered a wimp (George Bush the
First) would run the most pit-bullish political spot ever
made? This half-minute of invective makes a star out of a
real-life recidivist Massachusetts felon, Willie Horton.
The spot slams Gov. Michael Dukakis for his state's revolving-door
probation policies. Part of the copy:
Dukakis not only
opposes the death penalty. He allowed first degree murderers
to have weekend passes from prison. Horton had been
released and proceeded to commit rape and murder. Say goodnight,
Mike. One footnote: Willie Horton never referred to himself
as "Willie." His real name is William Horton. Guess
Willie is more threatening, more scary, more, um, black.
Virginia Slims/Phillip Morris/You've Come A Long Way,
Baby!"/1968
This launched the first "woman's cigarette." Ironic,
isn't it, that what some called a "feminist" campaign
includes the word "Baby!" Six years after Virginia
Slims were launched, smoking among early teen girls shot
up more than 110%. Good work, geniuses. I know, I know, I
have cigarette campaigns in the "100 Greatest" list.
This one just irks me.
Alberto VO5/"Rula Lenska"
One of the first campaigns to turn a nonentity into an overnight
somebody. Wonder where Rula went? Probably running a coffee
shop in Stockholm with Gunilla Knutson. (See #95.)
Dukakis for President/"I Believe"/1988
The fact that this spot never aired is its shame. Charlie
McCabe of Scali McCabe Sloves, one of the most prodigious
advertising writers of all time, penned this paean to liberalism
for the 1988 election, replete with Frankie Laine's sentimental
anthem. Why the Dems didn't run it remains a mystery. Memo
to Howard Dean: Maybe it's time to get it out of the can!
Swiftboat Veterans for Truth/2004
Not since Willie Horton had political advertising sunk so
low. John Kerry made much of his Vietnam service in the Navy
And when he snappily saluted the Democratic National Convention
and said, "I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty," he
was asking for it. "It" should have meant a careful
dissection of his war record. Not slander. That's what these
so-called "shipmates" of Kerry delivered in a campaign
in which no answers were given, but lots of questions were
asked, right into the camera by these aging veterans. A couple
of examples:
How could you accuse us of being war criminals--and
secretly meet with the enemy in Paris? ––and––
How
can you expect our sons and daughters to follow you when
you condemned their fathers and grandfathers? The only
thing more shameful than this strung-together package of
innuendoes and vengeance is that Kerry's staff sat silent
and didn't throw this crap back in the opposition's face.
Mrs. Filberts Margarine/"Eleanor Roosevelt"/1950's
II know she agreed to it. She probably gave her fee to charity.
Doesn't matter. The client and the agency (Ogilvy) should
be horsewhipped for debasing one of the 20th Century's great
icons.
Burger King/"The Search for Herb"/1970's
Nerdish nonsense.
Genworth Financial/"Andre & Steffi"/2005
Tennis' First Couple Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf are actually
okay in this peculiar message usually aired on sports events.
Our Hero and Heroine step onto what they think is a tennis
court. But instead of facing blockbuster serves from a pair
of tennis players, something resembling a 19th Century British
Man o' War battleship appears, the cannon bays open and,
POW!, tennis balls explode toward the celebs! The voice over
posits,
Genworth and your Financial
Professional can help you understand your choices and make
the right ones, so you'll be ready for whatever the future
throws your way. Okay, okay.
Yep, yep. We're talking about life's unexpected bumps. I
get it. But what puts this in the Hall of Shame is that you
don't, won't, and can't remember the name Genworth Financial.
It's practically whispered. A high-octane, well-shot spot,
but also one of the worst branding jobs on the tube.
Ford/Edsel Introduction/1957
This is how an actual Edsel intro spot went: This is the
Edsel. Unlike any other car you have ever seen. This is the
Edsel. This is the Edsel. This is the Edsel. This is the
Edsel. You can see how it looks. You have to feel the power
of the newest V8 engines in the world. The big new Edsel
400. And the larger Edsel 475. It is unlikely you have ever
driven a car with so much usable power as the Edsel. And
with Edsel's exclusive Teletouch Drive, you can drive more
safely, more easily than you ever have before. Because both
hands stay on the wheel, while Edsel shifts electrically.
This
is the Edsel. As its' elegant flight deck and classic vertical
grill suggest, it is elegant in every detail. And it acts
the way it looks. But it doesn't cost that much. See, drive,
and be sure to price the newest member of the Ford Family
of fine cars. The Edsel. At your Edsel dealer. Geez!
That spot uses the brand name 13 times. And you know what?
The Edsel Show, the star-studded (Frank Sinatra, Rosemary
Clooney, Bing Crosby, Louis Armstrong, plus a Bob Hope cameo)
intro network spectacular aired October 13, 1957. Think the
car was doomed? Dunno, but it's clear we weren't quite ready
for Teletouch, the classic vertical grill, or the commercials.
National Airlines/"I'm Marsha. Fly me."/1970's
Written by the brilliant Dick Wolf, the creator of the multiple." Law & Order" series.
Both print and TV had flight attendants asking for the order.
Sexy: okay. Sexist: not okay.
Summer's Eve Douche/1980's
Here's my personal nomination for the single worst dialog
line ever uttered in a commercial,
Mom, do you ever get
that not-so-fresh feeling?
Depends Adult Diapers/"June Allyson"
...and here's my personal nomination for the single worst
theme line ever to appear in a TV spot,
Depends.
Because
you've got a lot of living to do.
Viceroy Cigarettes/1950's
...and here's another classic copy line: O
nly Viceroy
contains 20,000 tiny filters made from pure cellulose. No
wonder so many doctors now smoke and recommend king-size
Viceroys. Tsk, tsk.
Have a really awful candidate you'd like to add? If
I agree with you I'll list it and give you the credit.
Send me an email at the link below! But please don't suggest:
- "Mr. Whipple" (Dick Wilson, in more than
500 spots)for Charmin
- "Mrs. Olson" (Virginia Christine, that great
busybody) for Folgers Coffee
- "Steven the Dude" (Ben Curtis) for Dell Computers,
or–
- "Ernest P. Worrell" (the great Jim Varney)
for all manner of products
I'm fond of all of them in a sick kind of way.
hallofshame@drewbabb.com
